harrystrulove

My Biggest Regret of 2008

2008-12-28T20:22:44Z

Yeah, I know, maybe I should wait til, say, New Year's Eve or at least Dec 30th before I start reflecting on this past year. But then again, who cares? I'm bored, and today I'm feeling very pensive and comtemplative. I'm just unloading and inviting my friends to come along for the ride. If you think I'm particularly hard to figure out and want a little insight into my psyche, then this is a rare chance for you to see past the cool, standoffish facade.

OK...so I've always been very quiet and, admittedly, hard to get close to. I honestly think that some people probably give up trying to befriend me bc I'm so quiet and guarded. I'm honestly not "shy" per se, I've just always kept to myself and had trouble opening up to others. Last night, I was thinking about this, and how my biggest regret of 2008 is that I allowed would-be friends to slip through my grasp and remain strangers. I should've smiled at more people, said hi to the girl sitting next to me in class, acknowledged classmates instead of treating them like strangers, and tried harder to start conversations. I should've asserted myself more instead of falling into my usual habit of waiting for the other person to make the first move.

So anyway, as I laid in bed pondering all this, it dawned on me; something so obvious that I've been overlooking all these years...an epiphany if you will. At that very moment I realized the reasons why I do what I do. I push people away and clam up around them not bc I'm shy, but bc on some level, I'm afraid that if I show them my true self, that they might not like what they see and reject me for it. And I've always thought that it would hurt a lot more to get rejected for being myself than it would to get rejected for being cold or standoffish. So, I put up all these walls and barriors around myself for protection. And in the rare occasion that someone hangs around enough for me to start trusting them, I'll let my guard down a little at a time, very cautiously as not to reveal too much and risk getting hurt.

Thing is, by continuing on this path, I'm blocking out the very people who might want to get to know me and would like the real me. I gotta stop being so scared. Perhaps this should be my New Year's resolution; to make more of an effort to let people in and be a little more open.

Posting this wasn't easy; I feel naked, lol. But as I do wish to reach out and open up a little more, here it is. Now you know why I act the way I do. And if you'd like to leave me a nice comment, I'd love to hear from you, as always.

Xmas Poem...er, Blog

2008-12-17T19:18:10Z

This blog is quite different in that it rhymes! Please excuse the cheesiness of my little Xmas poem, but I felt like doing things a little differently, just for the helluvit:P

'Twas the week before Xmas, and this busy artist
Was maybe not always the bravest or smartest
But something neat happened this month of December
Yes cool stuff indeed that she'd always remember.

Her bosses said, "We need a mural in one room,
An outdoor scene for our consumer to consume!
We'll pay you good money, just give us your word
That it will be done by December 23rd."

So she dashed off to Michael's in her ramshackle sleigh
Then finished the mural in less than one day;
But the artist had fun, and management was pleased
Their timeline and guidelines upheld and appeased.

The artist made ornaments for their consumers
And word travelled fast, neither fibs nor rumors;
Her colleagues too wanted original gifts,
Which gave the starving artist a financial lift!

With joy in her heart and a smile on her face,
The artist took glass bulbs, and on them she placed
Small paintings of loved ones, sweet messages too
To hang on their trees, to keep and to view.

She painted and painted, that busy little elf
Then delivered them, feeling like St. Nick himself;
Requests pouring in, such wondrous commissions,
Much more than the artist had ever envisioned.

And what to the busy artist's eyes should appear,
Nearly brought the designer to shed a happy tear;
Her online store sold several things in one day,
Filled her with excitement, her worries at bay.

This holiday season, it ought to be grand
As the artist ends this blog with two busy hands;
If you could read my mind, you'd hear me call
"A prosperous Xmas and New Year to all!"

Dwelling on the Past

2008-11-29T03:24:49Z

Dwelling on the Past
Current mood: nostalgic

I have a question for you. Do you ever find yourself seemingly stuck in the past; wishing you could redo something or wondering what might've happened with someone had you handled things differently? Or perhaps, do you occasionally find yourself thinking about someone who hurt you in the past and wondering if they're sorry for the way they treated you?

Tonight, perhaps bc I'm bored, my mind keeps going back to a certain friend I had a year ago, who totally dissed me over something trivial. It was a very sudden and unexpected thing, and I don't think I ever recovered completely. A few of you may know what I'm talking about. I choose not to go into detail, as I'd like to keep my online life as separate from RL as possible, but let me just say that a cyberpal hurt me very badly last year. And I don't handle heartbreak well. At all.

I used to think of the person in question as one of my best friends. I felt very comfortable with her, like I could tell her pretty much anything without getting judged for it. But then one day, she decided to break off our friendship completely, and over something that, in my mind, was very trivial. A true friend would've understood or at least given me a chance to explain. She didn't.

So anyway, tonight I'm kinda dwelling on what came to pass between us a year ago, and wondering when or if Karma has gotten her back yet for what she did to me. I also wonder if she feels even the least bit of regret, or feels any desire to try and apologize or make amends. And then I laugh at myself for even entertaining these thoughts. Of course she wouldn't apologize or even allow herself to feel bad; she's way too proud to admit when she's wrong. I remember a couple times when we had little disagreements, and she had a way of manipulating the situation and twisting things around to make me believe that I was the one who'd done something wrong, not her. She was one of those people who always had to be right about everything

In fact, I bet she's pretty much forced herself to forget about the friend she scorned. Why should I sit here and cry over spilt milk (metaphorically speaking, I'm not really crying) when she's probably not thinking about me? I only have one answer to that: It's hard for me to let go after someone's hurt me. And it pisses me off knowing that she's convinced so many people at LilyLand that I was to blame, and that she did nothing wrong. She was always good at that.

OK, I'm gonna end this blog and try to get my mind on something else. But first, I have a Xmas wish...I hope that someday someone bestows upon her the same treatment that she bestowed upon me. I hope Karma kicks her hard in the ass, and continues to kick her until she's dying on the ground sobbing and writhing in pain. I hope that one of the people she trusts and cares for the most turns on her and snaps her heart in two like a brittle twig. I hope they get her good.

Pre-Thanksgiving Blog

2008-11-27T01:57:20Z

So for us here in the US, tomorrow is Thanksgiving, aka Turkey Day...or as I like to call it, National Pig-Out Day And boy am I gonna pig out tomorrow. I'm having a Thanksgiving lunch with my mom and stepdad, then I'm off to work to have Thanksgiving dinner for my consumers. So really, I get to celebrate twice, lol! Can't complain about that.

Today has pretty much a prep day. I went to Wal-Mart and braved the crowds of other last-minute shoppers to get all the ingredients for my baking. I also picked up some frozen White Castle burgers bc hubby and I love those things when we're too lazy to cook (which is most of the time, lol). I would've picked some jalapeno poppers as well, but those shitheads didn't have any! WTF?!

So anyway, I came back here and baked 2 loaves of pumpkin bread (one for mom's and one for work), a pumpkin toffee cheesecake (bc hubby doesn't like pumpkin pie), and a birthday cake for our assistant manager, who will be joining us for dinner tomorrow, bc Turkey Day just happens to be his birthday. He's been hinting for a while now for me to make another one of my famous chocolate peanut butter cakes, so that's exactly what I did. He'll be pleasantly surprised...that is, unless my coworker Shannon told him. But I think she wanted to surprise him as much as I did.

Hey, cool! I wish you could see this...it says in this little box to the left that my blog was viewed 11 times today, and 27 times this week. And guess what? Tomorrow's date is 11-27! Weird, huh? But under the word "Total" it says 3098. So if it were a date, it would say 11-27-3098. That's 1090 years from now, lol! I wonder what the world will be like in 3098. Will people be driving flying cars? Will there be a cure for cancer? Will there finally be a woman president? Perhaps we will have made contact with aliens?

I had a dream about the future once...well, sort of. I dreamt that I was reading a magazine article that featured predictions about our future. The article said that hundreds of years from now, we will be friends with extraterrestrials, and we will all worship the Pillsbury Dough Boy I swear to God I wasn't on anything when I had that dream, lol!

*sigh* I'm so bored. Hubby's at school. I just got done clearing our fridge of all the old food that's been clogging it up for months now. It's not clean, but at least I made room for all the Thanksgiving leftovers that'll soon be taking up all our fridge space.

I'll go in the living room in a little bit and start clearing a space for the Xmas tree. Man, we have so much junk it's not funny! Once we get the tree out, I just might temporarily stash some of our shit into the Xmas bins just to get it out of the way for now. It's ridiculous how much stuff we have that we don't even want or use. So far I've only sold 2 things online: a CD and a pair of numchucks. But a little at a time helps. I'm tempted to give half of our stuff to Goodwill.

My throat is starting to feel a teensy bit scratchy. I hope I'm not coming down with something! But 'tis the season You know that song that says, "It's the most wonderful time of the year"? Every time I hear that song, I almost LOL at the irony. You got snow and ice, which makes it harder to drive, and makes you take longer to go anywhere bc you have to warm up your car and chisel all the ice and snow off your damn car windows. Then you got the crowds of rude, grouchy people raiding the stores and practically shoving you to get to where they're going. Then on top of it, you have tons of cold and flu viruses all over the freakin' place. No, Virginia, this is not the most wonderful time of the year, lol!

Random Stuff

2008-11-17T15:58:03Z

Good friggin' morning. It's Monday, and I need something to do while I sip on my hot tea and warm up, so here I am. This will probably be pretty random bc my mind is all over the place, but I understand that some of my friends are into that sorta thing, LOL!

Saturday, after my greeting card designs lost (yes I'm still kinda fuming about that), I discussed what I needed to put on the poster for our card sale. Carey, my teacher, told me to have my design sent to her and Jared by 11am Monday (today). So, yesterday before work I started from sctratch bc my damn poster design was lost somewhere in cyberspace, and added all the necessary info to it. Then I sent it to Jared and Carey and went to work.

Then when I returned from work at 12:30am, I found an email from Jared requesting that I make a few very small revisions to make the poster more readable. Mind you, he also raved about my wonderful design Well, I was half asleep and doped up from my shot glass of NyQuil, but I made the changes and sent it back to him and Carey. Then this morning I found another message from him, thanking me for going to the trouble and again praising my design skills.

Can you believe that next Thursday is Thanksgiving (for us Americans)? Me neither. Of course, I have to work Thanksgiving bc I work every Thursday night, but that's OK. We get paid extra for holidays! And Lord knows that I need all the help I can get right now, esp with Xmas and my stepdad's birthday coming up. The good thing about my current job is that I like my coworkers and the people I take care of, so it'll be fun even though I'll be working a holiday. We're supposed to have a big Thanksgiving dinner for our consumers and some of the other local consumers.

And this Saturday should be exciting. I have a class that day with Kimmie (the psychic I mentioned before). I'll be learning how to improve my intuition and use it to help people! I hope I get a chance to talk to her afterwards bc I have so much I wanna tell her about what I've discovered about myself via past life regression ever since my session with her back in September.

More good news: I got Xmas off this year! It's on a Thursday, and I was originally scheduled to work it, but I got lucky. You see, my coworker Amber needed someone to work her shift on Sunday of that week, and I wanted someone to cover me on Xmas, so it worked out perfectly! We're helping each other out and get our requested days off to celebrate with our families. (Thx again Amber!)

I imagine hubby and I will have to get the Xmas tree out next week and put it together, probably the day after Xmas. I wonder where we should put it. Our living room (our whole apartment actually) is so cluttered with junk that there's hardly any room for us, let alone a Xmas tree, but whatever. We'll clear a space.

Speaking of clearing spaces, I'm trying to sell a few of my things on Amazon in an attempt to make some money for my junk. So far, I've only sold an old pair of numchucks from my karate days. I betcha didn't know that I know karate, lol! Well, I haven't practiced in ages, but yeah, before I quit the martial arts I'd earned a red belt in Tang Soo Do, a form of Korean karate. But somehow, I don't think prospective employers would be impressed with my ability to break boards with my feet

Ah, but my long-dormant knowledge of how to punch comes in quite handy when I'm trying to get something out of the vending machine at school! In fact, lately whenever my snack gets stuck in the machine, a few well-placed karate punches will not only dislodge my snack, but the one right behind it too! So I end up with 2 snacks for the price of one, LOL! Hey, I'm not gonna complain about that!

Today my hubby and I finally have the day completely off, which means that we actually get to spend time together! We'll probably go eat out somewhere. We'd do a movie too, but there's nothing out we wanna see right now, and "Twilight" doesn't come out until Friday. I really wanna see that movie. One of my coworkers is into the Twilight books and has talked me into asking for the first book for Xmas. She said that if I like Harry Potter, I'll probably like "Twilight" as well, and I notice that a lot of HP fans do like it. So I'll give it a shot. I told my hubby that I'm kinda doing with Twilight what I did with Harry Potter; starting out just watching the movies then getting into the books.

There's a song that I think would be perfect for the Twilight series: "Love Song For A Vampire" by Annie Lennox. It's such a beautiful and haunting song. Oh wait, duh, this must've been used for that old vampire movie with Winona Ryder bc the video has clips from that movie. *smacks forehead* I didn't know that!

Halloween Blog

2008-11-01T04:39:19Z

Five more minutes...no, wait, four more minutes of Halloween, then it'll be all over 'til next year. But you know what? As much as I love Halloween, I'm OK with that. I've had my fill, literally and figuratively, and I'm tired. I've taken off my costume and put it away for next year, I've done a lotta prepping for this holiday, and I've now removed my Halloween playlist from my MySpace profile. I'm ready to rest for a few weeks then get into the Xmas spirit, lol!

OK, so anyway, I wore my Ravenclaw costume (the one in my profile pic) and went to my aunt's house to pass out candy. It was unseasonably warm and pleasant tonight, and therefore we had an ungodly amount of trick-or-treaters. This included kids of all ages and a few adults. Most wore costumes, but there were a few lazy-asses who just came up to me with no costume and a plastic grocery bag and said "Trick or treat", if anything at all. I say if they really want candy, they should at least make an effort, y'know? Sheesh. People these days, all they want is to get things for free

Several kids recognized my get-up and called me Hermione, even tho Hermione is a Gryffindor and I was wearing Ravenclaw colors, so I just went along with it and said that yes, I was Hermione, lol. What kinda pissed me off was that quite a few kids were like "What are YOU supposed to be?" I kinda got sarcastic with a couple of the older kids, like, "Haven't you ever seen the Harry Potter movies?" Hey, I'm not very good at hiding my irritation when people say stupid shit like that. Yeah, I know, they're kids; give 'em a break. Unfortunately, that's not my specialty, lol. When I'm annoyed, you can see it all over my face. Same with any other thoughts and feelings; whatever is going on in my head shows up on my face, kinda like a TV screen. One of my coworkers recently told me, "Don't ever play poker", LOL!

As for other kids I saw tonight, one little blond girl, about 4 or 5 years old, asked me, "Are you a mom?" Kids say the darndest things, don't they? Then there was the bratty boy who acted like he was gonna kick the ghost that was on the front porch. As I just mentioned, I am not good at hiding my feelings, and glared at the boy when I gave him his candy. His friend said, "She looks like from that movie", to which the little shit said, "She's ugly!" That bothered me at first bc I'm very sensitive about my looks, but it doesn't anymore bc I realize that he was just mad at me and didn't necessarily mean it.

I also saw my mom and stepdad when I was in town. Unfortunately, my stepdad's mom, whom I absolutely cannot stand, chose to stop by when I was there and didn't leave for a freakin' hour and a half. When she finally did leave and was saying bye to all of us, she just had to call me by my first name, which I absolutely HATE! Why the fuck can't anybody remember that I don't wanna be called that?! I got so mad, it was a good thing she couldn't see me (I was in another room).

We watched "Poltergeist" on TV tonight. I never get tired of that movie; it's one of the few horror movies that I actually like. My hubby gets a kick out of that fat little psychic lady in the movie, at least partly bc she looks like a pug and he loves pugs

Tm night I work, so I'll get to hear how the Halloween party went. I hope they liked my "witch" and my graveyard cake. I also hope they took lotsa pics bc I wanna see them since I couldn't be there tonight.

Speaking of work, there's gonna be a change in my Thursday night work schedule in the very near future. You see, one of the people I take care of will be going swimming on Thursdays, and I'm expected to not just take her to her swimming session, but actually get in the water with her! *groan* Shit! I don't mind taking her swimming, but I wish I didn't have to get in the water. Why, you ask? Bc first of all, I don't have a swimsuit, so what the hell am I gonna wear? Second, I'm fat, flabby and out of shape, and my skin is pasty pale and full of oh-so-attractive zits! Do you really think I want people to see how awful I look when I'm not fully covered? Also, where the fuck am I gonna get a swimsuit at this time of year? It's almost Winter, for Christ's sake! I could order one, but then I'd have to wait 2-3 weeks to get it, unless I wanna pay double the cost of the suit and get it rush-delivered. I really wish someone else could do it, but whatever. I really wish she could go swimming on a different night bc at this rate, Thursdays are gonna be super busy for her.

OK, I'd better go to bed now. When I start to feel the effect of sleeping pills I haven't taken, then I know I need to get some sleep! I hope you had a happy Halloween! Please feel free to reply to this and tell me about your own halloween.

Oh, and don't forget to turn the clocks back tonight!

Devil's Night Fun

2008-10-31T04:38:55Z

OK, so it's technically Halloween now, but whatever. Tonight was pretty interesting at work. I brought some "Count Dracula Fingers" that I made the other day; these oblong cookies that actually look like fingers, complete with the long sharp nail, which is actually an almond slice pressed onto the end of the "finger" before it's baked. Who knew Dracula wore press-on nails? LOL!

I made a graveyard cake for the Halloween party they'll be having at work. It's really cool-looking, with oblong cookies for headstones, gummy spiders and gummy body parts, and crushed Oreos for the "dirt". I could've sworn one of my coworkers made a snide remark about my cake But anyway, I'm happy with the way it turned out and I think the guests will like it, too. So there.

And the really fun part was making a life-sized witch to stand by the basement door when the guests arrive. I brought my dress form to work along with one of my witch costumes, and dressed it up to look like a headless witch. I wanted it to be holding its own head, but that didn't quite work out bc the "arm" we made for the witch wasn't strong enough to hold up the "head" we made for it. We made the head by stuffing a full-head mask with black cloth, and ended up putting the head on the witch, then putting a witch hat on the head, and we took a little plastic skull and made the witch hold that instead. It looks pretty cool, and I hope someone takes a picture of it tm!

I decided to put it out in the garage next to the stairs, since it would be in that location for the party anyway. Then when my coworker Shannon opened the door to go into the garage, the poor girl nearly had a heart attack The first thing she saw was that witch I'd made, and she screamed and was like "Holy shit!" The girls were laughing bc they knew that the girl who works midnights would be scared shitless when she came to work tonight and saw that thing standing there in the dark. LMAO! Man, I wish we could have a hidden camera rigged up to catch everybody's reactions to that witch when they enter the home. That would be so funny!

I dunno what else to talk about, so I'll just end it here. I'll probably post a special Halloween blog tm night, so stay tuned;)

Yep, Another Freakin' Blog

2008-10-10T16:38:05Z

I am so freakin' tired. I haven't been sleeping well lately, partly bc of hubby's snoring, and partly bc...well...I'm not quite sure. I guess it's partly due to the fact that my mind is like that rabbit on the battery commercials; it keeps going, and going... And not to mention, hubby has a tendancy to wanna talk to me when I'm trying to go to sleep bc that's the only time we really get to just be together. I can understand that logically, but when I'm tired I don't appreciate anybody trying to have a conversation with me, esp if I have to get up early that morning.

This morning I had to get up earlier than I wanted to. I'm not gonna go into detail bc I don't feel like it, but let's just say I had to go with him to the DMV and stand in line for a friggin' hour with him. Not fun. He took me out for breakfast after that. We went to IHOP and I got the butterscotch rock pancakes. They were good, but why the hell do they call 'em butterscotch rock when there were only, like, 5 frickin' butterscotch chips on top and that's it? A little stingy with the ingredients, are we? If I ask for butterscotch, then I want butterscotch, dammit!

Last night I discovered my new fave band: Medieval Baebes! I may be a rocker, but as a Medieval/Renaissance enthusiast, I fell in love with their enchanting music. They play actual songs from the Medieval times, as they would've sounded back then. Their voices are beautiful, and they actually use Medieval instruments! OMG, I'm in Medieval Heaven. If you like Celtic and New Age music, you gotta check 'em out!

The other night, I was talking about how sick I am of Colby Calleigh and a few other overplayed songs. Well, I forgot to mention one of the most annoying songs of all, "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. OMFG, this is another song I can't seem to get away from. I don't even like Fergie's music to begin with, but this has got to be, in my humble opinion, one of her worst! I understand the meaning in the song, but the words make me wanna gag. "I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket"? Who the hell wrote this song, Baby Bop? Why doesn't she make a reference to getting potty trained while she's at it? *note the sarcasm*

Oh, after about a year of searching, I finally found some jeans that fit and look decent on me! Hallelujah! In case you didn't know, Fashion Bug has a new line of jeans called "Right Fit", which are made for people like me who can't seem to find jeans that fit their particular shape. When I go jeans shopping, it seems like if I find something that fits my ass, the waist is too big; or the waist fits but they're too tight on my ass. Right Fit makes jeans for women with my problem for once. And they also make them for other body types, too. So anyway, if there's a Fashion Bug near you, you might wanna check 'em out. Anybody who knows me knows that I wouldn't normally be saying anything nice about jeans or jeans shopping, so that right there should tell you something:P

Lately I've been feeling really frustrated, and I don't know why. I mean, I've come to understand and accept myself a lot more lately, but right now I just kinda feel like I've slipped back into my old patterns of self-sabotage and being too hard on myself. I'd like to do another regression and try to dscover the root of these feelings, but yet I haven't felt like doing that this week. Maybe it's stress; midterms are next week, and I'm tired of being locked in the same damn routine week after week, and I just wanna scream. I need a break! I feel almost like I'm running on fumes, if that makes sense. Maybe it's PMS.

I'm gonna go see my mom and stepdad later. Mom and I were thinking about making pumpkin cookies, but the way I'm feeling today, I'm not sure if I'll be up to it. Oh well, whatever.

Tomorrow is the CRT Club meeting with the geeky-yet-cute president and the other heads of the club. That should be interesting.

OK, gotta go. If I don't start studying for my midterms, I'll end up kicking myself later.

Just sittin' here pickin' my nose

2008-10-09T01:14:05Z

No, I'm not really digging for buried treasure, lol! That's just my way of saying that I'm just kinda sitting here doing nothing. So, guess what? It's that time again; it's boredom blog time. And this one will probably be really off-the-wall, bc the boreder I get, the crazier and more random my thoughts get.

The good news is that my waist is 1 inch smaller than it was 2 weeks ago, and I lost 2 lbs. The bad news is that I have a midterm next Tuesday night. God I hate tests. Then again, who doesn't?

As you've noticed (that is, if you've noticed my current status), I am SOOO sick of Colby Calleigh! OMFG, every single fuckin time I turn on the radio, guess what? There's a damn Colby Calleigh song playing! It's like she's stalking me or something, lol! I'm not saying her music isn't good, I'm just saying it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overplayed! I can only take so much of her mellowed-out, comotose songs before I'm struck with the overwhelming urge to shoot my radio...and any other radio playing a Colby Calleigh song. Sheesh.

Colby. What the hell were her parents thinking when they named her that? Perhaps her mother--when she was expecting Colby--had this overwheming urge to gorge on cheese 24/7 during her pregnancy. And one day, when her parents were discussing what to name their soon-to-be-born bundle of sunshine, her mother was stuffing her face with colby cheese and said, "I know, let's name her Colby!" LMAO!

Yeah, I remember when I was a kid, my mom bought colby cheese all the time. I loved it! I still do. Damn, now I'm having a cheese craving. I'm almost tempted to get off my ass and go down to Kroger for some colby cheese...almost. That sure would taste good right about now. But I'd have to leave the radio off or I might hear yet another Colby Calleigh song. I have this theory that every minute of every day, there's a radio station somewhere on this planet that's playing one of her songs. Shit. And I thought I was sick of the Jonas Brothers?

You know what else I'm sick of? That goddamn "Pocket Fulla Sunshine" song! (Cheryl, if you're reading this, no offense. I love ya but that song's gotta go!) OMG, talk about trying to shove optimism down your throat. My Typography instructor likes to play the radio during class, and it never fails, I always hear at least one Colby Calleigh song and that damn "Pocket Fulla Sunshine". And if I have to hear "Tattoo" by Jordin Sparks or "Apologize" by Timbaland one more time, I just might have to shoot myself, lol. Enough is enough already!

I've started a new harry potter fanfic bc a site I belong to is having a Halloween fic exchange. I kinda wish I hadn't gotten myself into this bc I alrady have so much going on in my life, but it's too late now. If I were to try and back out, they probably wouldn't allow me to do future fic exchanges. But that's OK, I have a plot bunny that's been hanging around for a couple years now, and since it's the only Halloween-ish idea I have - and the girl I'm writing it for listed bellatrix as one of the characters she wanted in the fic - I'm finally forced to turn the bunny into a full-fledged story. This time someone actually agreed to beta for me That never happens anymore!

Anyway, I have to have it finished and turned in to the admins at SAYS by Oct. 24th. That only gives me a couple weeks, which sucks, but at the same time it's good bc it forces me to finish and not keep putting it off like I do everything else.

Didja know that they're having a new VH1 show called "Rock of Love Charm School"? I saw a preview for it Sunday and I was thinking, "You gotta be shittin' me!" First they had a "Flava of Love" charm school, and now this? Shit. It never ends, does it? And Sharon Ozborne is gonna be in charge of said "charm school"? I'm sorry, but what the hell does Sharon Ozborne know about charm?! LOL! But although I think the show will be stupid and trashy, I'll probably watch anyway just bc I used to watch "Rock of Love" and I'm morbidly curious as to what'll happen. Also, there are some girls from ROL whom I'd love to see get their asses kicked, lol.

I see that my blog got viewed 8 times so far today. that's pretty good. When I was 8 I was in the third grade. But then I guess most 3rd graders are that age, duh I think I was also 8 years old the time my mom and I went to Cedar Point (a local amusement park) with Jason C and his mom. I remember that Jason and I were sitting in the backseat, eating and reading books. I got car sick and ended up puking into a bag, then we had to pull over to the side of the road to ask this old couple who lived nearby if they'd mind throwing it away for us, lol! Luckily they were understanding and obliged.

Then 9 years later at the end of our senior year of high school, Jason wrote in my yearbook, "I remember when we went to Cedar Point and you threw up." Geez, that's how he remembers me? Niiice, lol.

Before I started this long-ass blog, I was over at YouTube listening to the new David Cook song, "Lights On"...or is it "Light On". Whatever. Anyway, it's a really good song, but I really wish David would rock out and make a faster, harder song. I've noticed that with a lot of these rockers from "American Idol", they predominantly stick with slow songs bc they're "safe". I say fuck "safe"! If we loved 'em as rockers on the show, we'll love 'em as rockers now as well!

Take Chris Daughtry for instance. I love him to pieces, and his music is awesome, but come on Chris, what's with all the slow songs? Give us more kickass rock anthems like "What I Want" from his self-titled debut album! Now that song makes me wanna bang my head righteously and thrust my devil-horned fist into the air!

If you're still here after listening to me go on and on forever, then I wanna hear from you! What songs are YOU sick of? What music do YOU like? Or any humiliating childhood memories like mine that you don't mind posting? Anything else you'd like to share, go right ahead. You'll make me smile:)

My Renaissance Festival Blog

2008-09-20T01:03:49Z

Hey there, I'm back from the Michigan Renaissance Festival and thought I'd blog about it, in case you're curious. This is the first year the festival has been open on a Friday, which is great for me since I work weekends. The weather was perfect, and since it's Friday, we didn't have to deal with HUGE crowds of people, as we normally would. We could actually walk and breathe without getting in anybody's way, lol!

It was mainly a lotta eating and shopping. We pigged out on Scotch eggs (hard-boiled eggs wrapped in sausage), potato skins, chocolate, and we raided the Monk's Bakery.

When I go to the festival every year, I can't help watching the other faire-goers and silently critiquing their outfits. I know it may seem catty or nosy, and I don't mean to be, but it's kind of unavoidable. One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the overwhelming number of women who wear costumes that only showcase their worst features. Like there was one girl there who was wearing one of those form-fitting leather lace-up vests, but it was cropped so that it showed her flabby gut hanging out. And all these fat women who come to the faire and wear revealing stuff... What the hell makes them think it's attractive to have their boobs practically popping out the top of their costume, and/or pushed up to their necks? That does NOT look good! And today, we saw a fat girl there, wearing what looked like a very long loin cloth that was cut so that you could clearly see her big fat hips and thighs jiggling like jelly when she walked. *shuddering* She looked like she'd forgotten to put on part of her costume or something. Did she not look in the mirror before leaving the house? Nobody wants to see that! Me and my family just looked at each other like OMG, what the hell was that? I know, I shouldn't talk like that, but it boggles the mind! I mean, I'm chubby and I would never dress like that, esp in public. I have pride, unlike some people

Another thing I don't understand is how/why some people at the festival get their time periods mixed up. Like, there was a vendor dressed as an ancient Roman soldier. What the hell does ancient Rome have to do with the Renaissance? The Roman empire fell hundreds of years before the Renaissance even began. And also, I don't get what pirates have to do with the Renaissance. I saw a guy who looked just like Captain Jack Sparrow, which was cool, but didn't Pirates of the Caribbean take place in the 18th century, after the Renaissance? And I saw another pirate who wore an 18th century style coat and a three-cornered hat. Um, I'm sorry to be anal, but that is NOT Renaissance. But, I'll forgive them bc, after all, today is Talk Like A Pirate Day, and so in that aspect they were dressed the part.

And the final thing that boggles my mind, is that some people show up to the festival looking like they're on their way to a Marilyn Manson concert or something. But I suppose they're more into "fantasy" dressing as opposed to "historically correct". Yeah, I know, I sound like the Fashion Police. But I can't help it; I'm a big Renaissance geek and I know my fashion history. So, I do have a tendency to think about shit like that when I go to RenFest.

One thing that really cracked me up was when this little girl there thought I was a princess. She kept trying to get her mom's attention. "Look, Mom! A princess!" I was standing in line waiting to buy a turkey drumstick. When it was almost my turn to order, the little girl pointed at me again and said, "Mom, the princess is right there!" The mom turned and looked at me, then laughed. And I just kinda smiled and shrugged.

Short Fat Women Wear Jeans, Too!

2008-09-15T19:51:17Z

I should be working on my postcard designs that are due tomorrow. I should also be studying for that quiz we were supposed to have last Tuesday night, which was rescheduled for tomorrow night. But anybody who knows me knows that I put the "pro" in procrastinator, lol. So, instead of doing what I'm supposed to be doing...I'm sitting here making another purely random blog about my thoughts and my day so far.

I slept in, then I straightened this rat's nest that passes for hair, and threw on just enough makeup so that I wouldn't scare small children. My Sears credit card payment was due today, so I had to drive out to Sears and pay it in person bc my account isn't set up to accept online payments as of yet. Yeah, that was a lotta fun, with the heavy traffic and road construction...not!

Then I got back in my rental car, turned on my Duran Duran CD and drove to KMart to do a little shopping. I hate shopping. But I've been wanting some new jeans and some casual slip-on brown shoes, so I went anyway. I found some jeans in the womens' department in my size, then took a look at the rack full of shirts that bore the label "Instantly Slims You". OK, I said to myself, let's see what the hype is all about. I went to the fitting room with my jeans and "instantly slimming" shirt, and there was nobody there. And that little button you're supposed to press for service? It was busted. So, I had to go find a lady who worked there and ask to use the fitting room.

So I went in and immediately turned my back to the full length mirror so that I wouldn't be forced to look at my big fat ass or cottage cheese thighs as I tried on the clothes. None of the jeans fit right; they all gapped in the waist and were waaay too long for vertically-challenged me. Every pair of jeans I tried on, I had to roll the legs up at least 6 friggin' inches in order to get the right length--I am not kidding! What, do they think that only giraffes wear jeans or something? Shit. Fun-sized people wear jeans too, y'know! *glaring at ignorant designers*

So I still had on one pair of 6-inches-too-long pants when I decided to try on the "slimming" shirt. I got it on, buttoned it up, and turned to look in the mirror. OK, so vertical stripes are supposed to be slimming, right? I didn't look thinner, I just looked like a short, plump girl in a striped shirt! I double-checked the label on the shirt to make sure I'd read it correctly. "Instantly Slims You"? I don't freakin' think so.

Disgusted--both with myself and with clothing stores in general--I put my own clothes back on. And you know what? I look better in the clothes I already have than I do in the shit I see in the stores! That tells me I need to do one of two things: lose weight so I can wear the clothes I already have, or start making my own. I can make my own clothing - I'm quite the skilled seamstress, after all - I just don't want to; partly due to laziness and partly bc I'm too busy doing homework and procrastinating when I'm supposed to be doing homework!

New Harry/Hermione Fic In the Works

2008-09-11T02:21:33Z

OK, so I've been trying to work on my Ron/Cho fic and not getting very far with it; partly bc I haven't felt inspired and partly bc I've had a string of bad luck with betas lately. Seems that they all mysteriously disappear shortly after starting to help with my fics. WTF? I swear, I've gone through 3 different betas and they ALL kinda vanished off the face of the earth! So when my good friend Cheryl offered to help with it, I half jokingly told her that I'm afraid to enlist her help bc I don't want anything to happen to her, lol!

My Ron/Cho fic is temporarily on the back burner right now due to having too much homework, but then I got another idea for a new story! You see, there's a popular song right now called "Shattered (Turn the Car Around)", which I hear on the radio a lot. This is just about the only overplayed song I'm NOT sick to death of, lol. So anyway, I heard it again yesterday, and a plot bunny the size of a horse bit me in the ass! I tried to ignore this humongous plot bunny, but I couldn't any longer.

So, I'm writing a one-chapter songfic to that song, and it'll be a Harry/Hermione! Why that particular ship, you ask? Well, to me that ship made the most sense for this song. Think about it. Cars are a Muggle invention, Hermione's a Muggleborn and harry was raised by Muggles, so it just made more sense than, say, Dramione. I honestly can't see Draco driving a car,LOL! And also, I've always told myself that someday I'd try writing a harry/Hermione fic. So now I am!

If you're interested in reading the gory details of how I plan to write this fic, please feel free to read my SAYS post about this story, here: http://z4.invisionfree.com/SAYS/index.php?showtopic=5475

OK, now I gotta get some more homework done. I'll let you know when I finally get my story finished and posted:D

My High School Crush

2008-08-25T03:06:05Z

When I was a senior in high school, I befriended a few of the exchange students we had that year, including a boy named Lars. I just found his Facebook profile tonight. I'm supposed to be doing homework, but instead I found myself scrolling through the existing profiles out of morbid curiosity, just to see if there was anybody else I remembered from school...and there he was. Funny how I'd never found his profile before tonight. But anyway, seeing the tiny pic of what he looks like now sent me on a path down Memory lane...

When I met Lars at the tender age of 17, he was about 6 foot 4 and skinny, with blond hair and blue eyes; exactly what you'd imagine a Norwegian would look like. He was in my Art class during the Fall semester, and we hit it off instantly. We both liked to draw, both enjoyed writing poetry. I used to love hearing about Norway and how beautiful it was there. Funny how Norway sounds an awful lot like No way!

I guess the term "No way" would've been pretty accurate to describe me and Lars. He had a crush on me at first that year. He got jealous if other boys were hanging around me complimenting me on my artwork, he walked with me out to the buses after school, that sorta thing. But shortly after I started to like him back, his interest in me dwindled. And then I spent the rest of the school year on an emotional roller coaster as I practically beat my brains out trying to get him to ask me out or give me some sort of eensy-weensy sign that he liked me back at least a little. I found out first hand how horrible unrequited "love" can be, lol.

In hindsight, I can see why he didn't get involved with me. I must've driven him absolutely nuts, the way I borderline stalked him and tried to talk to him and "accidentally" run into him in the hallway. Shit. If it were me, I would've avoided my admirer like the plague, too. Also, he knew that at the end of the year he'd have to go back to Norway, and was wisely not getting too involved with anybody. I get it now. I just wish I could've "gotten it" back then.

I would consider sending Lars a friend request over at Facebook, but I think I already scared the poor guy enough when we were kids. He sure as hell wouldn't wanna hear from me now...or maybe he would? I dunno. But then I remind myself that that was a really long time ago. Also, he did send me a nice postcard the year after we graduated, with a letter on the back asking how I'd been and telling me what he'd been up to. And surely he wouldn't expect me - an older, wiser version of my teenaged self - to go after him now, esp since I'm married. And we were friends. Well, maybe he would be pleasantly surprised to hear from me. What do you think?

When I think about contacting him again, embarrassing visions flash before my eyes; me bugging him to go to the prom with me *grimacing and covering my face*...me giving him a personalized birthday card...me making a complete ass of myself over him, lol! What the hell was I thinking? Seriously!

Well, OK, he did get a kick out of my little Valentine's Day stunt You see, our school had a carnation sale for V-Day, where you could pay a dollar for a carnation and have it delivered to another student during homeroom. So I paid for a carnation and arranged to have it delivered to Lars along with a secret admirer letter. In the letter I said something like, "Look for me today. I'm wearing all black and a rose at my neck." Then on V-Day I wore a black dress and a choker with a big rose on it. I didn't see him at all that day, until after school. When he saw me, he looked at what I was wearing, smiled and said, "It is you!" He seemed rather thrilled actually. He was excited and repeatedly thanked me, and even waved to me as we parted ways. *sigh* That special day gave me false hope, lol!

I wrote so many embarrassingly sickening sonnets and ballads about that boy when I was young, lol! Happy ones, sad ones, angry ones... But anyway, now that 14 years and some odd months have passed, I've found it in my heart to forgive him for being such a jerk to me in the end. Like I said, I understand now why he acted the way he did, and I know that in his place, I probably would've done the same.

And now that I've wasted valuable homework time rambling about my senior year crush, I'm gonna end this by asking you for your comments. Would you like to tell me about your high school crush... Or maybe someone who'd been obsessed with you back then? I wanna hear about it! And if you think I really should send Lars a friend request, please tell me. Thanks for listening:)

Not Another Teen Movie, lol!

2008-07-15T05:47:31Z

When I was a kid, I loved watching those sappy-sweet, totally unrealistic made-for-TV movies that are geared toward teenaged girls. You know the ones; those movies in which the main character A) meets her fave heartthrob and ends up dating him, B) gets the hottest, most popular guy in school to fall madly in love with her even though she's at the bottom of her school's social ladder, C) by some miracle ends up becoming a superstar, or D) all of the above.

One of my faves was Camp Cukamonga (sp?), starring the hottest stars of the time: Chad Allen, Candace Cameron and a couple of kids from ":The Wonder Years". Damn, I'm getting old Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper from "The Wonder Years") played a social outcast, who ended up dating the hottest guy at the camp (Chad Allen). I loved it bc, well, I was obsessed with Chad and liked to fantasize about dating him...just like any other average teen girl.

Sometimes when I'm bored at work, I turn on the Disney Channel or the Family Channel, just bc there's nothing better on TV and I'm trying to stay awake until my relief shows up. And during these quiet nights at work, I've discovered something: they're STILL making those corny-ass TV movies that entertain every teen girl's fantasy! They're basically the same plotlines, only modernized and featuring the teen idols of today. And as entertaining as these movies are, they're just as unrealistic as ever.

Take "Camp Rock" for instance. This average girl whose family isn't too well-off wants to attend a special (and expensive) camp for wannabe rock stars. By some miracle she ends up being able to go, and inadvertantly catches the eye of one of the Jonas Brothers (the NKOTB of the new milennium, lol). Not only does she get Joe Jonas to fall for her (hey, what teen girl wouldn't want that), but she also gets to pursue her dreams of future stardom and gets to sing a duet with him. This movie reminds me of my own childhood dreams of becoming famous and marrying Chad Allen or Tom Cruise, lol! (Of course, now I'm glad I'm not the one who ended up with Tom...and I recently heard that Chad Allen is gay...but that's besides the point, LOL!)

And then you got that Ashley Tisdale movie, "Picture This!" Gotta love this classic plotline. Unpopular girl is in love with the hottest guy at school, who just happens to like her back. Then again, if more so-called "dorks" were cute, skinny blonds, maybe this movie wouldn't be so unrealistic, lol. Yeah, like we're supposed to believe that she's a nerd? Personally, I would like to have seen them dork her up a bit more. So anyway, he invites her to a party at his mansion, and invites her upstairs to be alone and "get to know each other". Of course, this being an unrealistic teeny-bopper fantasy, Mr. Thang just happens to also be Mr. Sensitivity. She discovers that he's an avid photographer, and he doesn't even try to take advantage of her. He kisses her on the cheek and holds her close, and that's it. LMFAO!!! Yeah, right, like that this would happen in real life?! In real life, the guy would start making out with her and try to get her to put out.

There was also another movie (forgot the name of it), in which an average teen girl accidentally swaps phones with her fave rock star. She and her friend have all sorts of fun with his phone, making a hair appointment for him in which all his hair gets chopped off, and ordering a new wardrobe for him, etc. The rock star ends up grateful that these stragners got a hold of his phone, and becomes close friends with them. If that's not unrealistic, I don't know what is. But I'm not complaining, it's always nice to escape reality for a little while.

So anyway, it just cracks me up to see these movie plots come back every decade, modernized and starring whoever the big teen stars of the moment happen to be. And I imagine that for as long as there's life on Earth, there will always be these annoyingly lovable and unrealistic TV movies that entertain the unrealistic, unattainable fantasies of teen girls everywhere. And there's nothing wrong with that, so long as they understand why those scenarios are unlikely to happen in reality.

Trust me, girls, there really are a few good, sensitive men out there...but usually they're either gay, or taken, or not the best-looking. And if a guy invites you to go upstairs to "be alone", he's probably got more on his mind than just talking or cuddling!

My First Pole Dancing Class

2008-07-11T00:01:36Z

I just started pole classes tonight, and thought I'd let you guys know what it's like, in case you're curious. It was fun, but I did get a little frustrated in parts, when I felt like I wasn't "getting it".

The classes were held in a school building about 7 minutes from my apartment, so it didn't take me long to get there. Paulette, the teacher, is a professional dancer, and seems really friendly and encouraging. Even when I thought I was sucking bigtime, she still told me I was doing good, lol.

We started out warming up by holding onto the pole and walking around it. But not just regular walking, we have to keep out feet close to the pole, hold onto the pole with one hand as we walk, move our hips, and remember to maintain good posture the whole time. That's a lot to remember.

We started learning how to climb the poles. Shit. I've never been good at climbing! But there's a special way we have to do it. You grab the pole with your right hand, lift your right knee and hook your right foot around the pole, then pull yourself up and step on your right foot with your left. Then you're supposed to keep doing that to get higher. I was wearing pants to cover up my pasty-white, varicose-infested legs, but I had to roll them up to shorts-length to climb. How embarrassing. Paulette said that helps bc then your skin sticks to the pole and it's easier to climb up and stay there. Well, I couldn't climb very high. I could only go up a foot or so, and that was it. But Paulette swears that it'll get easier

We also learned this really cool move called the Fire Vixen, where you grab the pole with both hands, lift your left leg and hook your foot around the pole. Then you're supposed to act like a tether ball and swing around the pole as you lower yourself to the ground. I sucked at this, but I suppose it'll get easier after a while.

There's this one girl in the class, who's been taking pole for a while now and she's really good. She can climb to the ceiling, and do all sorts of cool stuff while hanging onto the pole in mid-air. I hope I can get that good.

Paulette told us to come to classes as often as we can per week so we can get more practice. I can't do the Tuesday classes bc that's the day I go up to my hometown to paint with the local art league, so I'm gonna do Thursdays and Saturdays. Luckily, I don't have to leave for work on Saturdays until 3:30, so I can go to the 11:30-1 class. I might also go to the Wednesday morning class if I can drag my ass out of bed in time, lol.

Oh man, my arm muscles really feel like I worked 'em. They're gonna hurt like hell tomorrow! And I'll probably have trouble walking, too. But this class is a welcome change from the boring-ass workout videos and going to the gym.

Randomly Yours

2008-07-09T23:04:10Z

Technically I'm not that bored today. I spent a couple hours chatting online with my cousin Nikki, then picked up some mats I ordered for my artwork, and went shopping for stuff for my pole dancing class, which starts tomorrow. But since I have a couple hours to just sit here, I figured what the hell. So I'm just gonna do my thing and go on about whatever.

I slept until 11am bc my damn hubby was snoring again and I couldn't sleep Then I chatted with my cousin for a while over at Facebook. Nikki posted a ton of pics of us when we were kids, as well as some pics of our grandparents when they were young. It was very cool. There's one pic of us riding a camel at the Toledo Zoo when I was 8 or 9 and she was about 4, lol! She doesn't really remember any of it bc she'd been so young at the time, but I do. I'd spent the night at their house the night before, then when we got there, Aunt Ruth (Nikki's mom) lied and told the people at the gate that I was one of her kids so that I could get in for free. Then she said to me, "You must be from my first marriage!"

After I got done talking to Nikki, I went to Michael's and picked up the mats for my paintings. Then I went to KMart and bought a yoga mat for my pole dancing classes. They start tomorrow, you know! I also tried on workout clothes, but I don't look good in anything. This one pair of exercise pants I tried on flattered my ass but didn't look good from the front. That's a switch; usually if I'm lucky, I'll find pants that look good from the front but make me look like my ass exploded, lol.

I thought about buying some sunless tanner, but then I didn't bc I figured it would be kinda pointless. I mean, I'd probably just end up looking orange anyway. I'll just have to make sure my hair looks nice and wear full makeup to compensate for my lack of color. It seems like if a woman is extremely pretty, people will "forgive" her for being pasty pale. No, I'm not saying that I'm extremely pretty, I just mean that if I fix myself up, maybe the other women will be less likely to zero in on how white I am. I hope.

One thing's for sure, I definitely have to be careful what kind of shirts I wear. I have major rolls on my back, as well as backne, and that is NOT sexy! Ugh, I'm disgusted with myself For two months now, me and one of my cyberpals have been trying to motivate each other to eat right and lose weight. She's doing really well, but I'm not nearly as motivated as she is, so I'm hardly made any progress at all. Frankly, I'm ready to give up. But, I'm hoping against hope that taking those pole dancing classes will help me feel better about myself and get in shape. When I saw myself in the fitting room mirror, I cringed.

Hubby was home when I returned from my shopping trip. We went to Wal-Mart so that he could buy some jeans. You know what he does to determine if jeans are gonna fit him? He unfolds them and holds them up to himself to see if they're long enough! Oh come on, that's no way to tell for sure! I told him that real men use the fitting room (LOL!), and that if he had any common sense, he'd try them on before buying them. When that didn't convince him, I mentioned that trying them on would eliminate a lot of future hassle if they ended up not fitting. You know what he said? "They'll fit." *rolling eyes and shaking head* Why is it that men never want to try anything on, and even if something is too tight or whatever, they're still convinced that it fits? DUH! At least women are smart enough to try on clothes to make sure that they fit right!

Another thing I don't understand is, why the hell are all womens' jeans made of stretchy material, but mens' jeans aren't? Does that sound fair to you? I don't freakin' think so! It's stupidity if you ask me. I mean, really. Stretchy jeans may look good on the 6 foot tall, 90-pound models in the jean ads, but 99.9% of us don't look like that! Why the hell can't anybody make jeans that fit real women?! Is that too much to ask? I don't want jeans that stretch, dammit! I want jeans that actually look good on me! I swear, if I ever meet whoever's responsible for the overabundance of stretch jeans in the stores, I'm gonna bitch slap those motherfuckers!

I discovered the coolest music video on YouTube this week: "Stupid Girls" by Pink. It's a song that came out back in '06, but I never heard of it until recently, when I was watching that show "I Love the New Millenium". Now I'm not normally a big fan of Pink, and I'm also not big on music videos, but I love this one bc it not only pokes fun at those plastic celebs you see all over the tabloids, but it also points out how ridiculous our cultures unrealistic beauty ideals are, and how our society seems to value beauty over brains. Please check it out, it's hilarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9n8QHCkPLA

Fan fiction, weight loss and pole-dancing

2008-06-19T02:53:09Z

If you're familiar with my boredom blogs, then you know the drill by now. I talk about anything and everything, and you're free to pick my brain if you like:P

I'm back again, killing time until hubby returns from Home Depot. He left to go get lightbulbs for us, and he said he'd stop and get me a sweet tea from McD's while he's out. I love their sweet tea! That's one of the things I missed about the south, was their southern sweet tea. And thank God Mickey D's had the sense to bring sweet tea to the north! Now if we could get BoJangles and Backyard Burger (sinfully good fast food chains from the South) to extend their food chains to the northern states, I'd be in hog heaven, lol! Oh, and when I was living in NC, my fave restaurant was a place called The Captain's Cap. OMG, they had the most delicious fish dinners, and their hush puppies were to die for. If they opened up a restaurant in this area, I could truly die a happy woman, LOL!

Thing about the south is that they don't call carbonated beverages "pop" like we Yankees do. Nope, they call them sodas or "cokes". Man, I got some really funny looks in NC when I tried to order a "pop". That was what I did in a McD's down there after hubby and I had first moved to that area. I told the girl behind the counter that I wanted a small "pop", and she was like, "You want a what?"

I got teased a little by my students too for the way I talked. When I first went down there, my mentor said to me, "We don't have an accent, you do."...and she said that with a Southern drawl! LOL! One of my students down there once told me, in a very Southern drawl, "You have a very strong northern accent". Strange, but up here nobody thinks I talk funny

OK, jumping on to the next topic, I'm still waiting to hear from my beta regarding chapter 1 of my Ron/Cho fic. Poor thing, she's got so much to think about with her hubby and kids and everything. But I'm happy that she's able to help me with my story. Being a very antsy and impatient type, however, I'm on pins and needles waiting for her to get back with me about chapter 1 so far. I think what I have so far is a nice start, I just gotta write the opening scene and maybe 1 or 2 other scenes for it. But I'd really like her feedback before I write any more. I'm a perfectionist, and I like to do what I can to make sure my work is at its very best.

Even though the main ship here is Ron/Cho, I'm rather fond of the Neville/Hermione ship and I'm really excited about those particular characters getting together. I think they make a very sweet pair! One thing about me as a fan fiction writer: I have to kinda "fall in love" with my characters in order to really get into writing their story. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. Like, I've always had a thing for Harry Potter, which is why I wanted to write about him in most of my fanfics. And with Draco, I had to kinda develop amorous feelings for him as well when I wrote him in my fics. I actually started a totally different story starring Neville 2 years ago, but it never went anywhere bc I just couldn't drum up any romantic attraction to that character. But now, with this story, it's different. I guess bc I'm able to look at Neville through Hermione's eyes, I'm able to kinda fall in love with him and appreciate the wonderful qualities he possesses. I feel stupid for saying this, but I'm just being honest.

And of course, in Ron and Cho's case, I need to do the same thing with Ron, look at him thru Cho's eyes and develop feelings for him as well.

Oh, I'm so excited bc I just found out that there's a dance studio right here in Toledo that teaches pole dancing! Not that I wanna be a stripper or anything, I just think it would be a fun way to get into shape and lose weight. And I'm all for any form of exercise that allows me to express myself and feel sexy. They have beginner's, intermediate, and advanced classes. They're expensive--$200 for every 8 week course--but I want so badly to try it! And besides, I have some extra money left over from my college loans to cover it *evil grin*.

Yesterday I finished my latest painting, a big Georgia O'Keefe-inspired watercolor of sunflowers. I think it turned out pretty nice. Now I just gotta have some greeting cards and prints made of my painting, and I'll be that much closer to ready for my August art show. I have a lot of drawings and paintings I wanna get made into cards and prints. The more stuff I have the better.

I've been wanting to do a self-portrait lately. I'd like to do something with dramatic lights and shadows that's inspired by Rembrandt's self-portraits.

I recently bought a copy of the Richard Simmons DVD "Disco Sweat" on Amazon.com. Today I gave it a try, and it wasn't bad. It was actually kinda fun despite the fact that I'm not a big disco fan, and I had to LOL at Richard bc he looked so silly prancing around like a fairy You'd have to see the DVD to know what parts I'm talking about. But anyway, it was a good workout. And Lord knows I need all the exercise I can get. I wanna get back into my size 10 jeans again, and eventually back into my size 8s.

Now if I can get back into bellydancing and start taking pole dancing, that would be really cool! It would also be cool if I could somehow get my sweet tooth pulled and replaced with the overwhelming desire to pig out on veggies and rice cakes.

Bedtime Blog

2008-06-17T04:44:55Z

Just unloading some thoughts and events before I turn in for the night.

I joined Facebook last month, and didn't really start using my account until recently. Imagine my surprise when I checked my email last week and found that a boy who'd been in my 8th grade Math class sent me a friend request! I haven't seen Scott since I was 13. And yet he not only remembered me, but found me on Facebook despite the fact that my name and appearance have changed somewhat since he last saw me. Well OK, in the face I look pretty much the same, only now my eyebrows aren't freakishly bushy anymore, I've learned how to apply makeup properly, and my hair is dramatically shorter, less straggly and more highlighted. Plus, I don't have my first name listed on my profile, just my middle name (Anne) and my married name.

And I also got a friend request from Jennifer, this drop dead gorgeous girl who graduated a year after me. OK, so she used to be my hairdresser, but I guess I was still kinda surprised by her friend request due to the fact that we used to be on complete opposite ends of the social ladder; Jen was part of the "in" crowd and I was a social outcast. I can't believe that after 14 years, I still tend to think like a teenager sometimes, lol. I mean, really. We're in the real world now, where there is no "in" crowd

So anyway, I was searching facebook this weekend for other people I went to school with. I was browsing the list of names when I came across one name that stood out: David Ziegler. I had a crush on David in high school...for a little while, anyway. He wasn't exactly good-looking or popular or what have you, but I fancied him for other reasons; he was smart and ambitious, a straight A-student who was well-rounded and seemed like a nice guy.

So anyway, when I saw his name, I immediately sent him a friend request...and the next day, I saw that he'd accepted my request. So I was browsing his profile, and got a big surprise. Under "marital status", he stated that he was in a relationship with another man Back in high school, I never even considered that he might be gay. In fact, he had a girlfriend at the time...who coincidentally looked like a boy, LOL! In retrospect, maybe I should've sensed it. David and I used to participate in our high school's "Medieval History Fair", and he didn't seem to mind wearing tights I remember my mom commenting that she thought David seemed a bit "feminine". Oh, whatever, I'm happy for David. If he found a nice guy and they're happy, then that's what matters.

And getting off that subject, I got my hair done today, and I feel purrty! My hairdresser took pics of me to use in her "look book" that she's making for customers to flip through. That little photo shoot was fun. But I hardly ever like the way I look in pictures, lol. But she said she'll do any necessary photo retouching and that I'll be able to make prints of the pics if I want to.

Tomorrow I'm going up to my hometown to spend the afternoon painting with the local art league. That'll be fun. And plus, it's a great way to keep my mind productive and occupied. As I've said before, idle minds are the devil's workshop.

Boredom Blog

2008-06-12T23:51:28Z

OK, I have nothing going on today, and I am b-o-r-e-d once again! If you're familiar with my boredom blogs, then you know what to expect: anything and everything. I'll talk about whatever comes to mind, and if you wanna pick my brain for bit, be my guest.

Ugh, for the past several nights, I haven't been sleeping good. And it's at least half my hubby's fault! He's been tossing and turning like crazy all night every night, and when he's not flopping around like a fish outta water, he's fuckin' SNORING! You know what that means? I've been camping out on our puny little loveseat every single fuckin night bc of him! And that's not very comfortable. Honestly, I don't know why the hell he can't just find a position he likes and stay in that position. Maybe he can't sleep bc it's hot in our place at night. But I'm trying not to run the air conditioner more than I have to bc I'm trying to keep the energy bill down. Oh well, whatever.

I just got off the phone with my hairdresser, Sarah. I made an appointment to get my hair done again, and she said she wants to take a picture of my hair after she's done styling it. She's trying to get enough pictures together to create a "look book" for her customers to flip through. I'll take it as a compliment that she wants a pic of me for her book. She can't pay me bc she can't afford to, but she will be giving me a discount on my usual cut/style/highlights in exchange for permission to use my picture.

Some of you know that my Summer class got cancelled. Well, I have way too much time on my hands now, so I've started going up to my hometown every Tuesday afternoon to paint with the Monroe Art League. The art league mostly consists of people over the age of 50, mainly little old ladies, lol. I like going there on Tuesdays; it's so quiet and peaceful, and I can just paint and catch up on the local gossip. The painting I've been working on there is a big watercolor of flowers from my mom's garden. I really like the way it's turning out so far. This past Tuesday when I was working on it, I accidentally got my hand in some dark brown paint and ended up getting that dark paint on my picture. But instead of getting mad, I worked it into the picture and added more dark areas throughout. And you know what? That turned out to be a happy accident. My painting has a lot more depth and dimension to it now.

I've been hard at work on my latest fan fiction story. For those of you who are familiar with Harry Potter, it's a Ron/Cho romance, with a Neville/Hermione subplot. I'm excited about this story, but a couple days ago, when I was painting with the art league, Another idea came to me. Neville and Hermione want me to write a sequel to the Ron/Cho fic, which would focus on them instead of Ron and Cho. And I'm so excited about the sequel, that I might start writing it even though I'm not even half done with the first story yet.

Hell, I think part of my reason for feeling so bored and mentally burnt out tonight is bc I've been in front of the PC since I got up today. I worked a little on chapter 1 of the first story, then spent the rest of my day working on a banner for the second story, the sequel. Below are 2 versions I made of that banner:

What do you think? This story will be a fluffy humor fic about Neville and Hermione, and all the amusingly disastrous things that'll happen to them from the time they get engaged to their wedding day. I chose a rainbow colored background for a reason; Luna will insist that Hermione wear a rainbow colored dress instead of white for good luck. And why are there chickens on the banner, you as? Well, that's another funny thing; Neville's Grandma insists that they have live chickens at the wedding for good luck. And of course, off to the right is Hermione looking very stunned and maybe a bit overwhelmed.

So far, I'm leaning toward the bottom image, as the dark shadows on the top image seem a little too heavy and visually "drag down" the light-hearted mood and overall tone of the image. But I gotta do something about my screen name in the lower left hand corner; you hardly notice it. I need to make it white or something. Oh, but I must admit that I'm quite proud of myself for creating an image (far left) in which Neville and Hermione REALLY look like they're about to kiss! It wasn't easy, but after much experimentation w/ photos of Emma and Matthew, I got the right combination where they look like they're gonna kiss!

Yeah, I know, I don't need a banner for a fic that I haven't even started writing yet, but what can I say, I'm excited about it and couldn't wait.

And I forgot to mention...I sold a second art apron at Zazzle! I got the message last night, and I'm so thrilled about that!

Tomorrow morning I gotta get up early for a meeting at work. Yay *note the sarcasm*. A meeting at work on Friday the 13th. That doesn't sound like a very good combination of events t me But then again, it's been my personal experience that good things happen on Friday the 13th...either that or nothing particularly unusual happens.

OK, I'm tapped out now. If you're bored too, feel free to write a response telling me what's going through your head. If nothing else, maybe we can entertain each other, lol.

My New Obsession

2008-05-21T03:22:53Z

I recently joined Zazzle.com, and I'm officially hooked! I opened my own Zazzle shop (called "Bloody Brilliant Designs") and already I think I've designed about 15-20 items as I type this. So far the Zazzle community seems pretty friendly, and I now have 3 fans and sold 1 greeting card with my artwork on it. Not too bad considering I've only set up shop a few days ago.

About my shop: It's a fun, feel-good shop mainly geared toward fellow HP geeks, but there's also stuff there with my drawings and paintings on it. Some of it is serious, but a lot of it is meant to make you smile and maybe even laugh.

Tonight I designed a shirt that I'm really proud of. It's got a vector drawing on it that I did of a broom, and it says "Save a broom, ride a wizard"! You gotta see it! And while you're at it, please take a look at the rest of my designs as well. I made a couple of HP-inspired bumper stickers that I'm rather proud of. You can visit my shop here: http://www.zazzle.com/ArtsyRavenclaw

More Ron/Cho, and STILL No Beta

2008-05-09T03:32:52Z

*sigh* I've been looking and looking and looking for a beta, but nobody wants to beta for me. I wonder why:( Am I really that annoying that people don't wanna beta for me? Or maybe it's just that they have no interest in my fic? I dunno, but I'm starting to get a bit of a complex. I'm also wondering, if nobody wants to beta for me for this fic, then are they gonna have any interest in actually reading it when it's up on HPFF? Jessi - who of course posted the Unconventional Pairings challenge - said that she can't wait to read it, but I know that she's too busy to beta it. besides, since I'm writing it for her challenge, she might want some element of surprise, kinda like when yur birthday or Xmas is coming and you don't wanna know what your presents are yet bc you don't wanna ruin the surprise.

I guess I'm on my own this time, which sucks bc although I'm perfectly capable of doing this alone, I'd prefer to have someone helping me out, and inspiring me, and helping me brainstorm. That always helps. So Shona, if you're reading this, please come back to SAYS when you get the chance!

That said, I'll start discussing my story now. I have a very rough and somewhat corny scene written out in which Ron is about to kiss Cho. This is very roguh and I'm not sure whether or not I'll actually use it...
"Cho, I'm about to kiss you," Ron said as his face slowly inched closer to hers. "If you really don't like me, just stop me and I'll take the hint."

Cho looked nervous as the Gryffindor came closer, like she was thinking about stopping him, but just stood there.

Ron was now close enough for her to feel his breath on her face as he smirked and murmured, "Last chance, Cho..." Her hands lifted a little, like she couldn't decide whether or not to stop him, but the redhead took her hands in his and gently held them as his lips softly, tenderly caressed hers.

At this point, Neville and Hermione are walking by, talking and laughing, when they see Ron and Cho kiss. Hermione's smile slides right off her face at the sight of Ron kissing the Ravenclaw. Neville frowns and glances a few times from hermione, to the couple, then back, looking discouraged. Just when he thinks Hermione is falling for him, Ron intervenes.

And that's it for now. Thanks for letting me share this:)

Hermione's Freaking Out!!!

2008-05-02T17:22:05Z

OK, in the absence of my betas, I've been trying different things to get more done on my Ron/Cho-Nevmione fic. I've written a scene for the middle of my fic, where Neville and Hermione (who have become close friends) are dancing together in the common room late one night, and at one point Neville wants to kiss Hermione, and almost does, but stops himself and goes up to his room, leaving Hermione alone in the common room and wondering what the hell just happened.

So anyway, last night I tried to "interview" Neville and get inside his head. I asked him what happened with Hermione after he almost kissed her. He said that Hermione acted a little strange but basically was pretending nothing had happened. As I'm "chatting" with Neville in my mind, suddenly Hermione appears and she's totally freaking out! She was like, "Oh my god, Neville almost kissed me! Then he left me standing there! What the hell is going on?" I've never seen Hermione act like this before, lol. You see, in my story, Hermione loves Ron, but *GASP* he doesn't love her back...at least, not asmore than a friend. I know this is completely NON-canon, but gimme a break; this is an AU fic! And I'm writing it for Jessi's Unconventional Pairings challenge.

So, as Ron is falling for Cho, Hermione and Neville become friends. Neville has been in love with Hermione since their first year at Hogwarts, but Hermione never felt that way about him. But as she's dancing with Neville that night in the common room, she starts to give signs of developing romantic feelings for Neville, but she's in denial about it bc she still wants Ron.

Just had to get these thoughts out of my system before I burst. OK, I think that's all I wanted to say for now. I might come back later to unload some thoughts and ideas.

I Miss My Beta!

2008-04-29T03:39:50Z

Oh Shona, Shona, wherefore art thou, Shona? LOL! *sigh* I miss my beta, she's been gone for a couple weeks I think, and I really hope she comes back soon. I've been hard at work on my Ron/Cho fic and its Nevmione subplot, and I've messaged her several times in the past few days with my ideas just bc I've actually been on a roll. But alas, she's very busy in RL and clearly hasn't had the chance to check or respond to her email.

I understand--I mean, I'm pretty damn busy myself--but I get a bit impatient sometimes...esp at times like these when I'm on a roll and there's nobody to read my random scenes or provide any feedback. Call me pathetic or codependent, but I thrive on feedback. It helps me to have someone to bounce ideas off of and to kinda give an outsider's opinion on my ideas and writing. And when I have such a person to turn to, it makes continuing with my story a little easier; almost like having a muse.

Not only do I miss my current beta, but I also miss my old one, Ally. Ally was awesome! She used to help me out by suggesting ways to make my plots less cliche and suggesting how events might unfold between my characters over the course of my story. She was also good about helping me improve my grammar and overall flow of my chapters. But unfortunately, she's lost her desire to do any beta-ing. Oh well, you can't expect people to do the same things forever...although in this case, it would've been nice, lol.

Shona's awesome too, but she's terribly busy. I do hope she comes back soon. I can't wait to hear her thoughts on my latest Ron/Cho and Nevmione musings :P

Brain Fart!

2008-04-20T15:44:11Z

I did something really stupid this morning, lol. After I got out of bed, I went into the kitchen to heat up some water for my morning tea. I put the mug in the microwave and sat down to check my email. A couple minutes later, I heard a sudden noise and smelled something burning. I thought to myself, "WTF? water doesn't burn!" So I go in the kitchen and see that the mug in the microwave has busted in half! I opened the microwave door expecting water to be everywhere, but both halves of the mug were dry! I'd placed the mug in the microwave and forgotten to fill it with water first Obviously I was still half asleep or something

Would YOU like to share your funny brain fart moments? Post 'em here;)

My Day Off In A Nutshell

2008-04-10T18:41:23Z

Getting our taxes done at H&R Block: $221

Lunch at Subway: $7

Giftwrap and ribbon for best friend's baby shower gift: $3.70

Baby clothes for best friend's soon-to-be-born child: $37.33

A sense of relief and accomplishment as I cross these thing off my to-do list: Priceless.